November 2008 was hell lot for me. I lost 2kg in 2 weeks time. Stress from the r/s with Bibi.I thought we’re going to end anytime soon. But I’m glad he did try his best not to bring up the issue. While knowing something was wrong, I can’t do anything. I can’t ask him what happened. Cause when I do so, he will find it irritating and will make things worst. All I can do is to abide to what he do, try to put up a strong front when deep down in me is bleeding. It was so painful, I can’t concentrate in studying for my upcoming exam. I resort to reading ‘The secret’ keeping myself positive. Well, sometimes it really helps.

At that time, I was very dejected. Knowing how much a person who had once loved you no longer loved you as much?? How can I ever trust love??

Each night I prayed to God hoping that he’ll return to his normal self.

I’m so glad that November had passed and December came to fill all the unhappiness I had gone through. December was a lovely one. It was like heaven and hell. December was full of love, care and concern from bibi. I hope it will always continue like it is.

Came Jan’09..Haiz..Initially was doing very well. But later on 6th, I felt something bad is gona happen when i use that Samsung HP. i felt that the Samsung hp will bring some bad luck to the r/s I’m in.! In nov’08, when I was using that spare Samsung hp (as I sent my sony ericsson hp for service), all the bad things seems to come my way. Now, I’ve just send my hp for repair again and I felt something is wrng between us. WTF!

I was feeling very moody yesterday and he felt the same way too. But I have to hide all the moodiness in me and try to cheer him up. He’s moody due to his internship, re-take module and the IPPT training this Sunday. I’m kinda tired. Tired that I’m always the one to give and give and give.. Does he ever know what I’ve done? I even went to the extend of finding something nice yesterday to cheer him up when I meet him today. Saw a smiley face HP holder. But it was kinda girly so I bought the spiderman HP holder so he can put it at home. I even planned to go Central to buy his favourite croissant.

Yest when I’m on my way home after meeting emma, I called him wanting to talk to him but he's not keen to talk.So I initiate to hang up.He’s always the one to decide when to talk to me on the phone and I am always the one to wait for his call. Yes, you can sae I can initate to call him. Of cos I did! But what did I get? Cold shoulder as he’s watchin some tv program. Or even dunno wat’s he talking about? Does he ever tot of things like it’ll be the last time he’ll ever talk to me? Wat if I end up being like Jamie? Involved in an accident and just gone like that?

He always feels that we can talk anytime. But to me, whenever he calls, I will put down whatever I’m doing to attend to him. But why can’t he do the same to me? I am very sure I treasure him more than anything else. Can he always treat me like how he used to in December ’08??

I don’t ask for more do I ? well, I’ll be meeting him later and I hope his moodiness will be gone and no more suffering for me..** praying hard**