I had another disappointment yesterday.I know all these arise due to expectations.I thought he will appear right in my eyes when i come down from the lift.He knew i've got lessons on saturday,though i told him that i really cant mit him n stuff,i thought he will still come n show face to prove that he's really sincere in getting back together. I didnt expect, in fact he told me that he will wait at my school. Silly me thought," perhaps he got to stay back for work, so that explains his absence." And on sunday, knowing that he knock off early at 4,he didn't do anything too.no emails from him.nothing.

So, silly me thought that he will definately appear yest. But,no. no sign of him at all. I am really upset. Why is he fooling me again n again. I guess all these are signs from god. I did pray and i guess my prayers are answered. he is just not worth it. i know i know. but my heart just felt really heavy,and have no mood for anything.I know being alone will be much happier, being with him will cause many unhappiness due to trust ,jealousy n all. but i'm just too stuborn to pump this fact to my heart.

Whenever i see C gals,i'll think of him. I just hate them...I will never(or perhaps take donkey years) trust guys again. I will always put on this "colored spec" that they will fool ard they are never faithful. this relationship i had is the most traumatising one i ever had. a guy i thought who will love me till the end faithfully, has betrayed my trust and had hurt me like never before..

it's been about 6 months and i'm still hovering around it. i hope this time round he can really get out of my life and never be able to get hold of my new number. and i will be able to live on my own happily..