I wan to slp no more.!!!!!even an afternoon nap can haf him appearing in my dream ;(

I shouldnt have met u up that day..i always turn into a slut when i wear this dress.fuck.on a contradict side,i miss the happy us..but i know its never going to be like that again...;( :( ;(

I dreamt tat u've actually showed yr sincerity by emailing to one of my email a/c which i rarely check all these while.i guess that's what i've always wanted him to do.sometimes when pple says what u dreamt of is the opposite of the reality, I’ll doubt it.it's in fact something which u've always wanted it to happen.something which u've been thinking about all these while. Bibi,y did u tell me how much u wanna cherish me this time round and how convining you were to tell me how u gonna change and time wil prove everthingy! u're not doing anything to want me back.my heart has been broken once n once by you.

in my dream,i was pretty clear minded too.i know i cannot be back with him since it's his usual texting style.just at the tip of his fingers,he can just have some words type and somehow manage to move me.well,i'm very clear of the answer.but y m i still feeling sad over al these shit.?!!!!?!?!!!

do you know,even till date,when my phone beeps. i still hope to see "9XXX 5106"?! hoping that u've already gotten hold of my new number?i know it wont.i'm just being the usual me - SILLY!

whenever i m happy i doubt myself.am i putting on a facade?

time and time again, i teared.i dont wana tear for u anymore.i've got to be strong..god,have u hear me?

mum still mention him.whenever i said something,she'll somehow say,"u meeting na ge suay ren ah?". many a times its early in the morning!i've told her not to mention him but she still did. whenever she talk about him,my tear just wanna flow.
can anyone out there NEVER talk to me about the UNSPEAKABLE>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i've made up my mind to throw away the 2 bears which he gave me. first was the green bear.that was before we got together.it was send tog with flowers.i still rem i was wking in Axis plus.it was a surprise with no names written.my colleague even said this guy must have woo u mend to be a surprise and no name was written on it.Irene evn joke to say this guy must have waited so long till his face turn qing qing(greeny).i find it really funny yet true (AT THAT TIME). the next bear was pink.that was after we got tog,so the bear(HIM) is already in pink of health.(haha.lame.)anw,i wannted to throw but i just dun wanna let them haf any qns asked.throw means throw.no y asked i hope.

The last time we met was only about 2 wks ago.but y does it seems so long..he kept appearing in my dreams..yes,tat is the only time i feel u real.the time i see u..**sigh big time**

男人真的信不得。。。;(

我想你想的好累。。做什么满脑都是你。。。
可以把记忆都去除掉吗。。。

Met up with candice babe for dinner and did some shopping yesterday. It was good to see her again! But to update her on my stuff was quite a wrong move. Perhaps, I shouldn’t have said everything that I had. She knew most of the stuff between me and kwang. but that was months ago,so this time I updated her on the “current affairs”.
I felt really lousy after that. The pain is still there. whenever I thought of it, I cry. It was the worst after these 6 mths. I wanted to call bro to talk.but I’m alr on my bed n felt kinda lazy n tired. Everyone will just say the same thing.I’ve heard engh and they have also said engh. I’ve to depend on no one but myself to pull this thru.
I dunno if my menses is coming (which explains y I’m so freaking emo), or that I’m mad or whatever shit. Anw, I really have the thought of working oversea and leave this place. I dun wanna talk about love for the time being. I hope I will be able to walk out of the fear again. Whenever pple talk about those sensitive issue to me, I haf to distract myself and not involved in the conversations. I really hate this men who screwed up my life totally.. I prayed that God can take the pain away and heal my soul. . .

Bought quite a few clothes today! Went shopping with shi!! Its been soooo long since I shop with her,in fact I have no recollections that we do. Cos she doesn’t really like doing so. Thus, am kinda stressed if I’m in a shop for too long.haaa. anw,Shopping really makes one feel better! Having the thoughts that I can dress up and look pretty just perk up my mood. (: Been buying clothes that are the same but in different color(black and white) and buying similar type just in different prints.(3 different ones! – Style black that makes me look slim, trendy Zebra like prints & retro looking) hahaha!

希望明天会更好...

●The thought of me not being his dose of estacy relly made me weep again.truth be told .truth always hurts but i haf to accept it..

●I wish i can b richer.freaking poor right nw.!!!

●Bad debts $250 written off...

I had another disappointment yesterday.I know all these arise due to expectations.I thought he will appear right in my eyes when i come down from the lift.He knew i've got lessons on saturday,though i told him that i really cant mit him n stuff,i thought he will still come n show face to prove that he's really sincere in getting back together. I didnt expect, in fact he told me that he will wait at my school. Silly me thought," perhaps he got to stay back for work, so that explains his absence." And on sunday, knowing that he knock off early at 4,he didn't do anything too.no emails from him.nothing.

So, silly me thought that he will definately appear yest. But,no. no sign of him at all. I am really upset. Why is he fooling me again n again. I guess all these are signs from god. I did pray and i guess my prayers are answered. he is just not worth it. i know i know. but my heart just felt really heavy,and have no mood for anything.I know being alone will be much happier, being with him will cause many unhappiness due to trust ,jealousy n all. but i'm just too stuborn to pump this fact to my heart.

Whenever i see C gals,i'll think of him. I just hate them...I will never(or perhaps take donkey years) trust guys again. I will always put on this "colored spec" that they will fool ard they are never faithful. this relationship i had is the most traumatising one i ever had. a guy i thought who will love me till the end faithfully, has betrayed my trust and had hurt me like never before..

it's been about 6 months and i'm still hovering around it. i hope this time round he can really get out of my life and never be able to get hold of my new number. and i will be able to live on my own happily..

The old line has been terminated. He texted me yest night with the "used-to-be-reporting" I didn't get to reply and my line was terminated. ;(
It is really painful.I wish the memories can be erased. I really hope that I have the courage to be together again. But that seems so impossible. I've also got to think about my loved ones. I still cant forget how jas cried for me when i told him about my stuff and how she feel that kwang doesnt love me at all.

baby,i will never get to see your name appearing in my mobile. not any more....

My actions don’t speak what’s on my mind. Or rather, I can’t make up my mind on what I really want. Or that I knew what I want but I’m just being silly for having all this stuff going on. Even knowing that he emailed faye in nov, I still met him up yesterday. He knock off at 9 so we mit ard 10.30 and head dwn town for Sherlock homes. I know I shouldn’t have lie on his shoulder upon his request as I’m feeling tired. I know I shouldn’t have clinch onto his hand and …. Everything seems so wrong. Is he worth my trust again? Can I really trust him that he will change and that he really wanna settle down? I am missing him badly. Heart is aching again. =(